After our ceremony Jesper, Noriko, Joe and I shared together lunch at Artisan in downtown Paso Robles. We then picked up our race packets for the half marathon tomorrow before driving west of town to sample olive oils at Pasolivo and visit the newly opened Chateau Margene location along Vineyard Drive. We were greeted with warm smiles, kind wishes and complimentary items all along the way - Paso really takes care of people!
I’m posting a few photos of our small wedding party, another photo of Joe and me with Reverend Mike, and a photo of us frolicking in the vineyard. I’m also including the words to our ceremony. We had a short yet intimate wedding and Joe and I are very happy to announce that we are husband and wife.
WEDDING CEREMONY of JOE MILNER & SARAH KRISTJAN SELVIG
PASO ROBLES, CA
MARCH 20th, 2010
(Rev. Mike) Welcome Kristjan and Joe and thank you for making me part of your special day. Before you start out on your life journey together, I would ask that you always remember to treat yourself and each other with respect, and remind yourself often of what brought you together today. Give the highest priority to the tenderness, gentleness and kindness that your marriage deserves. Love is a miraculous gift and it is your great love for one another that has brought you to this sacred moment to embrace one another as beloved companions and friends. Therefore, this sacred vow is entered into with much consideration, love, respect and joy. We who participate bind ourselves as witness to this vow of love that you state here today.
Kristjan and Joe happiness in marriage is not something that just happens; a good marriage must be created. And it is created in the following ways:
It is never being too old to hold hands.
It is remembering to say "I love you" at least once a day.
It is at no time taking the other for granted.
It is having a mutual sense of values and common goals.
It is standing together, facing what life brings us.
It is forming a circle of love that gathers in the whole family.
It is speaking words of appreciation and demonstrating gratitude.
It is not looking for perfection in each other.
It is cultivating flexibility, patience, understanding, and a sense of humor.
It is having the capacity to forgive and forget.
It is giving each other an atmosphere in which each can grow.
It is a common search for the good and the beautiful.
It is establishing a relationship in which independence is equal, dependence is mutual, and obligation reciprocal.
It is not only marrying the right partner, it is being the right partner.
Readings before Exchange of Vows:
For these readings, Joe and Kristjan have selected two poems that they would like to share with us. The first poem, called Habitation by Margaret Atwood, first tells us what marriage is not. But then the poem sheds light on what marriage is and has the potential to create. The second poem, The Wild Rose by Wendell Berry, reaffirms – again and again – the vows that Kristjan and Joe will promise to each other today.
Habitation by Margaret Atwood:
Marriage is not
a house or even a tent
it is before that, and colder:
the edge of the forest, the edge
of the desert
the unpainted stairs
at the back where we squat
outside, eating popcorn
the edge of the receding glacier
where painfully and with wonder
at having survived even
this far
we are learning to make fire.
The Wild Rose by Wendell Berry
Sometimes hidden from me
in daily custom and in trust
so that I live by you unaware
as by the beating of my heart
Suddenly you flare in my sight,
a wild rose blooming at the edge
of thicket, grace and light
where yesterday there was only shade,
and once again I am blessed, choosing
again what I chose before.
What speaks to Kristjan and Joe in these two poems, particularly as they we read them together today, is how both suggest that marriage is not a warm, comfortable shelter that shields us from the darkness, struggles, potential, joy, and beauty that creating a life together will bring. Nor is marriage an exotic destination in and of itself.
Rather, marriage offers the potential to create warmth and beauty - the fire or wild rose – in the cool, dark, exposed corners of our lives. Marriage is about embracing our vulnerabilities and discovering comfort in one another in both the unexpected and familiar circumstances that life brings us each day. And marriage is about reaffirming our commitment to one another in our quiet reflections – “choosing again what I chose before,” in the grateful words of Wendell Berry.
The Exchange of Vows:
(Rev Mike): Joe, will accept Kristjan to be your wife, to love her and cherish her? Will you share with her your hurts, your joys, your sorrows, and your happiness? Will you comfort her and be comforted, and share with her all things meaningful to you?
(Joe): I do.
(Rev Mike): Kristjan, will accept Joe to be your husband, to love him and cherish him? Will you share with him your hurts, your joys, your sorrows, and your happiness? Will you comfort him and be comforted, and share with him all things meaningful to you?
(Kristjan): I do.
(Rev Mike) Kristjan repeat after me:
I, Kristjan, take you, Joe,
to be my husband,
to be no one other than yourself.
Loving what I know of you,
accepting of what I do not yet know,
I will respect your integrity
and trust in your enduring love for me,
through all our years,
and in all that life may bring us."
(Rev Mike): Joe repeat after me:
I, Joe, take you, Kristjan,
to be my wife,
to be no one other than yourself.
Loving what I know of you,
accepting of what I do not yet know,
I will respect your integrity
and trust in your enduring love for me,
through all our years,
and in all that life may bring us."
The Exchange of Rings:
(Rev Mike): May these rings be blessed as a symbol of this affectionate unity. Your rings are circles that have no beginning and no ending. They are tokens of this growing relationship you have come here today to celebrate and confirm.
(Rev Mike): Joe, in placing the ring on Kristjan’s left hand, please repeat after me:
Kristjan, I give this ring as my gift to you. Wear it and think of me and know that I love you. It is a symbol of my love, my belief in our strength together, and my promise to learn and grow with you."
(Rev Mike): Kristjan, in placing the ring on Joe’s left hand, please repeat after me:
Joe, I give this ring as my gift to you. Wear it and think of me and know that I love you. It is a symbol of my love, my belief in our strength together, and my promise to learn and grow with you."
PRONOUNCEMENT
(Rev Mike): And now that you have stood before me and exchanged these rings and these vows, and have agreed to be married according to the laws of the State of California and as an ordained minister it gives me great pleasure to pronounce Husband and wife.
Congratulations, you may now kiss the bride!
I now have the privilege of introducing to you Mr. Joseph Milner and Mrs. Sarah Kristjan Selvig.
2 comments:
Kristjan, congratulations! What a gorgeous ceremony - really beautiful. I wish you and Joe every happiness! x x marilyn
So much love to you both! Your ceremony was rich with so much meaning--I echo Marilyn's words--really beautiful!
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